The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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