the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
