My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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