i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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