why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
