Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
