I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
