Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
