Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
