I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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