I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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