Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
