You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i've created a new STD.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
