this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
