I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
