Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
