you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
