I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
