the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
