In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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