Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
