I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
