i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
