just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
