This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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