I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
