She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
