So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
