im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
