just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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