She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
