so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Come on in and take your pants off
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