every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
