Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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