yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
