He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
