My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my sisters under your porch take her home
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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