What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
