There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
