I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
