so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
operation harelip BJ is a go
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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