Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
