I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
