Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
