I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do vagina's smell?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
