I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
