I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
