Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
