I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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