honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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